Don't Expect an Apology

The first two posts have been pretty dry so I am going to focus on the story more. Pseudonyms (stupid ones) will be used to provide the semblance of anonymity. Process, process, process.

Like all good bouncers I spend a portion of my time each night oggling my favorite waitress. I was quite content to finish out the night this last weekend doing so when I heard "Don't let that guy back in!" over the radio. Immediately I rush to the door to take stock of the situation. I get there and there are two smaller guys pleading their case with my massive door staff obviously to no avail. And just as I get there he is asking for a manager so I step in and ask him what is wrong. "Your man inside picked me up and carried me out cuz my shirt came out while I was dancin' man. He didn't say nothin' just grabbed me up man. I ain't no kid, that's how I pick up my daughter man! You can't handle a man like that. That's disrespectful! I want you as a manager to make your boy come out here and apologize to me." I feel like he said more but after the apologize demand it all turned into "BLAH, BLAH, BLAH I am buttsore about getting tossed by a short white guy." I have worked with the bouncer he was talking about for a year and I know that Oregon would not have just tossed someone for no reason. So using all the manager training I possessed I tuned the guy out while spouting a stream of business-like jargon overwhelming him with policy and verbage hoping his brain would explode. I end the conversation and walk inside curious to find out what happened.

Me: "So I hear you are picking up people like babies and throwing them out."

Oregon: "Oh yeah? Who told you that?"

Me: "The little guy outside you manhandled just now. What actually happened?"

Oregon: "Beethoven and I warned this guy three times about untucking his shirt. After the third warning we backed up a little to watch what he would do. As soon as I walked away he looked at his friend and pointed at us and laughed then untucked his shirt."

Me: "He wasn't dancing?"

Oregon: "No! He was standing at the edge of the dance floor just staring at people dancing. So I looked at Beethoven and he said "Ready when you are." So we just ran straight through him each grabbing an arm and picking him up off the ground and dragged him straight out the door. He didn't do anything except look punked out."

Me: "He wants me to make you go out and apologize."

Oregon: "If I go out there I am not apologizing..."

We laugh and then follow in on the chorus of "Closed family!" to empty the bar.

I don't employ bouncers who are the stereotypical 300lb, 6'6" silent meatheads. I employ well-spoken and capable guys who get the job done no matter their size. If you want to try and ignore what my guys say then be ready to get picked up like a kid and dragged out. No apologies for a job well done.

Drink responsibly and be safe,
-Polite Bouncer