Some People Just Can't Handle Vegas I

Good news is that Halloween weekend was exciting and provided me with much needed material and impetus to write. And I realized I can slack at work and write the blog but appear busy in my boss's office. I just wish we got sound so I could watch the Ketel One commercials.



"Some people just can't handle Vegas." One of the best lines in The Hangover, a bystander provides poignant wisdom while commenting on a mattress thrown out of a window and impaled on a statue in front of Caesar's Palace. I believe this sentiment pervades the nightlife industry. These days patrons feel entitled to act outrageously, unhindered by normal codes of personal accountability. Callous destruction of property, profane and obscene contact with waitstaff, deliberate disregard for authority run rampant. Customers feel as though they have license to break all rules and that staff behave unduly puritanical and despotic.



As nightlife staff we enjoy the partiers. We feed off the excitement and fun however the outrageous disregard is threatening to make an increasingly stricter party environment. Where once the customer's own morals would enforce seemingly obvious behavior, nightlife staff find ourselves having to police patrons into moderately less insane acts.



The other night there was a large party in the VIP room and needless to say they were all drunk. One of the partiers dressed as Mario from MarioKart fell down while trying to hang on the bouncer for balance. After he is carried out and his friends corral him down the road he decides that he really needs to #2 and getting to an actual bathroom would take far too long. So in a construction site across the street from our bar he drops his pants and starts doing the dizzity. After about 15 seconds a bicycle cop sees this knucklehead and proceeds to place him under arrest. Every step of the way from partying in the VIP room to pooing in the construction site he was egged on by his friends. Not only was he kicked out of the bar but he was actually arrested and taken to jail because his friends continued to validate his incorrect behavior and glorify every mistake and punishment as means of "true partying".



Don't be that guy. Don't let your friend be that guy. Your goal should be to be liked by all the staff at every establishment you go to and add to the party atmosphere. Not get yelled at and ruin the vibe. Stay classy please.



Drink responsibly and be safe,
-Polite Bouncer

Beware The Company You Keep

I promise to write more. Just trying to fit this all in with 70+ hour work weeks. I find it weird how 2 years later people are still mad at me for restraining them after they fight someone. Grudges happen but grown men don't look tough when they get hemmed up by the bouncer with glasses I guess.

Last night I was working in the VIP room and watched a group of work friends ordering round after round for 3 hours. One of them got absolutely hammered. Moments after the other bouncer told me to keep an eye on him he fell down and passed out. We had to argue with his friends before we carried him out of the bar completely unconscuous. Once outside one friend goes to get his car and his "girlfriend" stays with him. It was freezing outside and our drunkard was wearing no jacket. While waiting 20 minutes for the friend to bring the car Drunkio begins to get hypothermic and has a panic attack. His moronic lady friend calls 911 and attempts to doctor him up while drunk and eventually cops and EMS arrive. While being attended to by the Fire-Rescue he thrashes violently and attacks an officer. The officer puts his taser to the man's face and holds it there while he is cuffed and strapped into the gurney. He is taken to the hospital under arrest. All of which could have been avoided if his friends had simply got the car quickly. After the cops place him in custody his entire party said "We aren't really friends just coworkers" and left in their own cars. Alone and handcuffed to the gurney the drunkard is carted off. Remember to party with people who will actually take care of you and Designated Drivers aren't the worst things in the world. Don't be that guy.

Drink responsibly and be safe,
-Polite Bouncer

Don't Drink and Drive

Dear readers,

Last Friday night on my way home a car about 150 yards in front of me slammed into a tree going 50+mph. The engine caught fire and I was one of a dozen people who ran to pull the passengers out of the car. The driver was drunk and killed 2 of the passengers and a third is in critical condition. That scene will stay with me forever. I end every story with "Drink responsibly and be safe". Please call a taxi or call a friend or walk. Do not put yourself or those around you in danger. Despite a car on fire we spent several minutes trying to pull someone from the wreckage who had no chance and held another's hand as they passed. I like to tell funny stories from a bar but I just want to ask everyone to be safe and don't let anyone drive drunk. My prayers are with the families of those victims while I don't know their names they have left me impacted deeply.

Drink responsibly and be safe,
-Polite Bouncer

Please Be Patient

Writing a personality test for my readers and it takes far more time than I imagined. It will be coming shortly.

-Polite Bouncer

What Not To Say

Dibs suck, nothing is what it seems, better things come least expected, inspiration lacks, boredom abounds, and American economic policy should concentrate on a strong dollar and return to the gold standard.

This is a story from one of our servers. One of her customers attempted to spit some game and it went like this:

Douchebag Customer: "Are you new?"

Sharon: "No, I have worked here for two years."

DC: "Did you just have a baby?"

Sharon: "Excuse me?!"

DC: "Well, it just looks at though you may have recently had a baby."

*He stares at her boobs. She is petite and has rather large whatnots and is quite hot. We can only assume he was trying to be clever by insinuating in a roundabout manner.*

Sharon walks away and continues with her work trying to ignore the snickers of her tables. Picking up an order from the line; she is carrying out the plates when the loud-mouthed bathroom attendant yells "Wide Load coming through!". I can only hope that when she one day stabs a customer I get to see it for a follow up story for this blog.

Drink responsibly and be safe,
-Polite Bouncer

HP6 MADNESS!

The crowd at the midnight showing was huge, costumed and excited. At 10PM there were well over 100 people and by 11PM well over 500. 6 theatres full of anxious Harry Potter fans!

Harry Potter Pickup Lines:

1. Don't worry, I got checked and I don't have Hogwarts.
2. Would you like to play with my wand?
3. When I am Seeker I always find the Golden Snitch.
4. Would you play with my Sorceror's Stones?
5. 2 Girls, 1 Goblet of Fire?

Seriously, it was a wonderful movie. Special effects and animation were flawless, the adaptation was adherent to the story but played with little exposition which was exciting and fairly novel to watch. Absolute must see, after wasting money to see Bruno (dear God why?!) HP6 was just what I needed.

Drink responsibly and be safe,
-Polite Bouncer

Mistaken Identity

Brock Lesnar is a no class jerk, GSP needs to move up to Middleweight, and Dan Henderson is an American hero. I don't care if you resent me, as long as you continue reading...and dancing.

So I get called to the front door last night and there is a Deputy in the local Sheriff's office at the door. For half a second I wonder if I have done anything legally questionable. I ask him how I can help him and he says he has a to-go order he put in about half an hour ago. I walk back to the kitchen and ask but they say they have no orders. I ask the bar, the hostess and all the waitresses but get the same answer each time. Then I took a breath and planned out what I could do; while I crapped my pants wondering how we goofed a cop's order. As I walk back up to the front to check with the managers at the door I see the Deputy walk away. I ask if he was mad and they say "Yeah, at himself". It turns out he ordered it from another bar a couple blocks down the street and just forgot. He walked out of the bar to wait for his food and he saw our 5 story tall sign with the bar's name on it and through his keen investigative mind apparently pieced it together.

Patrons beware, we have a new undercover security member fresh from the coal mines of Texas.

Drink responsibly and be safe,
-Polite Bouncer