Welcome to the Jungle

It really is hard to write about our afterparty without whining. Our guest staff were pros and deal with it every weekend because the money is so good, but I think our bar is just too different to adapt to that crowd. I am very proud of how we came together as a team to make it through the most hectic night we have honestly ever had. But I have too many stories from that night not to post.



At some point regulars have to be handled. If their girlfriends are breaking bottles and going West Side Story on each other at the bar there can't be any cooldown periods or warnings. Last weekend our bar ran an after party for the concert of a very famous rapper which was hosted by, a for lack of a better term, "black" club. In reality the crowd consisted of primarily dopeboys out to spend big money. Bottle service, 2 DJs and 1,000 people set the scene for the most profitable and dangerous night we have seen.



I was called to the bar to handle a chick fight which had gotten out of control. Two women were breaking bottles and attempting to kill each other. Their boyfriends, which I can only assume considered this normal, were holding them back so they wouldn't kill the other and have to flee the party. When I got there I watched as the host security quelled the situation letting the guys talk the girls down while the girls held shards of glass poised to use as a razor. I was content to back them up as that crowd was not fond of the "white boy with glasses". I thought the situation has settled and go to talk with my guy working the side door when a large Haitian man with dreadlocks and gold fronts throws the other girl into our ATM and proceeds to beat her mercilessly raining punches into her face. I could not sit back and let this man kill this woman so I intervened immediately grabbing him off of her. He starts elbowing me in the face and bites my forearm. I immediately switched arms into a choke and applied pressure while the rest of the security grabbed the girl and his posse as they jumped in. I am backed against the wall choking this man unconscuous while people are being dragged out. We had a huge promotional banner used for a background for couples wanting to take pictures. It was toppled onto 2 patrons fighting viciously and had to be removed like a circus tent so we could separate them and throw them out. After about 15 sec, my guy went unconscuous and I dragged him out and slammed him to the pavement in the construction outside leaving his friends to attempt to revive him. Eventually his friends got him up and carried him to his car a couple minutes later.



My orders were to watch their staff and to ensure the safety of our establishment. Their security was charged with keeping the peace since they recognize regulars and are used to dealing with that crowd. But I couldn't sit idly by and watch that senseless and obscene violence. Until that moment their staff had treated me with indifference. To them I was just some goofy looking white guy who for some reason was in charge and had got a bouncer job at a soft, white bar. After that instant respect, like a prison yard fight, taking down a known gangster had conferred on me some level of legitimacy. I had been in the jungle and killed a lion.



I look back and I still don't have the perspective on it I think I need. I have nothing but respect for their staff. Their jobs are hard and they deal with people who would never get in our bar. Every day, every weekend they operate in close proximity to truly dangerous people. But for them it is about the money. In a scene overflowing with off the books cash the hustle makes a tidy profit for them making the risk worth it. These are professionals looking to make hard earned cash for their hard work. I envy the money they make but wonder if it is worth needing to wear a bullet proof vest and go to work armed every day. Their clientele are not the go home lick their wounds and get over it type. Having been in the jungle I wonder how long I could remain a predator.



Drink responsibly and be safe,

-Polite Bouncer

Some People Just Can't Handle Vegas I

Good news is that Halloween weekend was exciting and provided me with much needed material and impetus to write. And I realized I can slack at work and write the blog but appear busy in my boss's office. I just wish we got sound so I could watch the Ketel One commercials.



"Some people just can't handle Vegas." One of the best lines in The Hangover, a bystander provides poignant wisdom while commenting on a mattress thrown out of a window and impaled on a statue in front of Caesar's Palace. I believe this sentiment pervades the nightlife industry. These days patrons feel entitled to act outrageously, unhindered by normal codes of personal accountability. Callous destruction of property, profane and obscene contact with waitstaff, deliberate disregard for authority run rampant. Customers feel as though they have license to break all rules and that staff behave unduly puritanical and despotic.



As nightlife staff we enjoy the partiers. We feed off the excitement and fun however the outrageous disregard is threatening to make an increasingly stricter party environment. Where once the customer's own morals would enforce seemingly obvious behavior, nightlife staff find ourselves having to police patrons into moderately less insane acts.



The other night there was a large party in the VIP room and needless to say they were all drunk. One of the partiers dressed as Mario from MarioKart fell down while trying to hang on the bouncer for balance. After he is carried out and his friends corral him down the road he decides that he really needs to #2 and getting to an actual bathroom would take far too long. So in a construction site across the street from our bar he drops his pants and starts doing the dizzity. After about 15 seconds a bicycle cop sees this knucklehead and proceeds to place him under arrest. Every step of the way from partying in the VIP room to pooing in the construction site he was egged on by his friends. Not only was he kicked out of the bar but he was actually arrested and taken to jail because his friends continued to validate his incorrect behavior and glorify every mistake and punishment as means of "true partying".



Don't be that guy. Don't let your friend be that guy. Your goal should be to be liked by all the staff at every establishment you go to and add to the party atmosphere. Not get yelled at and ruin the vibe. Stay classy please.



Drink responsibly and be safe,
-Polite Bouncer

Beware The Company You Keep

I promise to write more. Just trying to fit this all in with 70+ hour work weeks. I find it weird how 2 years later people are still mad at me for restraining them after they fight someone. Grudges happen but grown men don't look tough when they get hemmed up by the bouncer with glasses I guess.

Last night I was working in the VIP room and watched a group of work friends ordering round after round for 3 hours. One of them got absolutely hammered. Moments after the other bouncer told me to keep an eye on him he fell down and passed out. We had to argue with his friends before we carried him out of the bar completely unconscuous. Once outside one friend goes to get his car and his "girlfriend" stays with him. It was freezing outside and our drunkard was wearing no jacket. While waiting 20 minutes for the friend to bring the car Drunkio begins to get hypothermic and has a panic attack. His moronic lady friend calls 911 and attempts to doctor him up while drunk and eventually cops and EMS arrive. While being attended to by the Fire-Rescue he thrashes violently and attacks an officer. The officer puts his taser to the man's face and holds it there while he is cuffed and strapped into the gurney. He is taken to the hospital under arrest. All of which could have been avoided if his friends had simply got the car quickly. After the cops place him in custody his entire party said "We aren't really friends just coworkers" and left in their own cars. Alone and handcuffed to the gurney the drunkard is carted off. Remember to party with people who will actually take care of you and Designated Drivers aren't the worst things in the world. Don't be that guy.

Drink responsibly and be safe,
-Polite Bouncer

Don't Drink and Drive

Dear readers,

Last Friday night on my way home a car about 150 yards in front of me slammed into a tree going 50+mph. The engine caught fire and I was one of a dozen people who ran to pull the passengers out of the car. The driver was drunk and killed 2 of the passengers and a third is in critical condition. That scene will stay with me forever. I end every story with "Drink responsibly and be safe". Please call a taxi or call a friend or walk. Do not put yourself or those around you in danger. Despite a car on fire we spent several minutes trying to pull someone from the wreckage who had no chance and held another's hand as they passed. I like to tell funny stories from a bar but I just want to ask everyone to be safe and don't let anyone drive drunk. My prayers are with the families of those victims while I don't know their names they have left me impacted deeply.

Drink responsibly and be safe,
-Polite Bouncer

Please Be Patient

Writing a personality test for my readers and it takes far more time than I imagined. It will be coming shortly.

-Polite Bouncer

What Not To Say

Dibs suck, nothing is what it seems, better things come least expected, inspiration lacks, boredom abounds, and American economic policy should concentrate on a strong dollar and return to the gold standard.

This is a story from one of our servers. One of her customers attempted to spit some game and it went like this:

Douchebag Customer: "Are you new?"

Sharon: "No, I have worked here for two years."

DC: "Did you just have a baby?"

Sharon: "Excuse me?!"

DC: "Well, it just looks at though you may have recently had a baby."

*He stares at her boobs. She is petite and has rather large whatnots and is quite hot. We can only assume he was trying to be clever by insinuating in a roundabout manner.*

Sharon walks away and continues with her work trying to ignore the snickers of her tables. Picking up an order from the line; she is carrying out the plates when the loud-mouthed bathroom attendant yells "Wide Load coming through!". I can only hope that when she one day stabs a customer I get to see it for a follow up story for this blog.

Drink responsibly and be safe,
-Polite Bouncer

HP6 MADNESS!

The crowd at the midnight showing was huge, costumed and excited. At 10PM there were well over 100 people and by 11PM well over 500. 6 theatres full of anxious Harry Potter fans!

Harry Potter Pickup Lines:

1. Don't worry, I got checked and I don't have Hogwarts.
2. Would you like to play with my wand?
3. When I am Seeker I always find the Golden Snitch.
4. Would you play with my Sorceror's Stones?
5. 2 Girls, 1 Goblet of Fire?

Seriously, it was a wonderful movie. Special effects and animation were flawless, the adaptation was adherent to the story but played with little exposition which was exciting and fairly novel to watch. Absolute must see, after wasting money to see Bruno (dear God why?!) HP6 was just what I needed.

Drink responsibly and be safe,
-Polite Bouncer